I saw the Slayer kissing Santa Claus
by Bandgeek252
Summary: Spike is going through some major changes when he finds a fat boy dressed in red on top of his crypt HO HO HO. Please read. Give it a shot. I promise more Spikey goodness as if there is any other kind of Spike. COME ON IN AND ENJOY.
1. chapter 1

I saw the Slayer Kissing Santa Claus Disclaimer: I own nothing. The slayer world belongs to Joss. Although I wouldn't mind owning it. Ha Ha  
  
Onward: This is like the Santa Claus only instead of Tim Allen turning into Santa Claus it's our hotty vampire, Spike.  
  
Chapter 1  
Coolness breezed into the graveyard as 


	2. A gift

I saw the Slayer Kissing Santa Claus Disclaimer: I own nothing. The slayer world belongs to Joss. Although I wouldn't mind owning it. Ha Ha  
  
Onward: This is like the Santa Claus only instead of Tim Allen turning into Santa Claus it's our hotty vampire, Spike.  
  
Chapter 1  
Coolness breezed into the graveyard as Buffy, the daring Slayer, walks passed the piling graves around looking for a fresh killing. Her senses are awakened and alert, but then her body is thrown back as a nasty demon who jumps at the chance to attack the lonesome slayer. She jumps up with that sly grin on her face, "Wow and I thought it was going to be a boring night."  
She fakes left and hits with her right. She throws him back a few feet, but then he's back up in her face. She blocks a high shot with left forearm, she moves with grace as she knocks the demon face on the ground. She disables him by breaking his arm.  
"So whada want? I'm sure you didn't come out here just to get your ass kicked by the chosen one, did ya." Pow, boom, and the slayer falls to the ground. The demon takes her stake and presses all his weight on top of her. She wails, out of breath, it comes out like a large breath.  
The demon is thrown off of her as Spike beats him raging. Buffy jumps up doing her flippy thing. "Spike," she yells at him to give him a heads up. Spike pushes the demon down to the hard cold ground.  
"There you go," Spike yelled as Buff gave it a hard swing and the demon was no more. "One Kietzer demon, beheaded an' all." Buffy gave Spike a questioning look. "What!" he remarked.  
"Why have you been helping me lately? It seems like the big bad has turned into the big goody. Do you think that if you help me enough you won't land yourself staked?" She asked her brown eyes piercing into Spike's own blue eyes. Spike stuttered for an answer, b/c it's obvious that he couldn't tell her the truth, which was that he loved her. They had been over that bridge before and it was not one to go across again at least not now.  
"I, um, wanted a spit of violence before I turn in for the morning. Christmas being tomorrow an' all; all this goody goody Christmas cheer makes me want to heave," Spike hoped that would be enough to throw her off the scent. It did.  
"Fine, but urgh. I have to home soon for the annual opening gifts on Christmas eve. Go home Spike, you've done enough." Buffy said as she turned away sounding tired, Spike took notice of it, but was too glad that she was still unaware how he continually felt. Grumpling, he went home to his dark crypt. 


	3. Another gift, the best gift!

I saw the Slayer kissing Santa Claus Disclaimer: The movie The Santa Claus and BTVS don't belong to me. So please don't sue me or hold me legally responsible for anything, but the story itself.  
  
Onward: Spike gets a visit from Santa and HO HO HO do we know what's coming next. AU and 5th season before Captain Cardboard leaves.  
  
Words from the Author: This is a humorous story. I may upset fans when they realize that I think Dawn is manipulative bitch and Spike although he tries to hide it, is a good guy at the heart and would make a funny Santa Claus. This idea was cooked up by myself and Scott and Julia while standing in the lunch line one day during Senior year, b/c we didn't have enough money or cars to go out. Thanks for the great idea guys!! Read and then call me. For the rest of you, you'll just have to e-mail me or submit reviews. Thanks for all the reviews so far. Enjoy!!  
  
Continuing the story Spike was a few feet from his crypt when he stopped. He sniffed the air similar to a dog. "Who's there?" He growled. "It's just me." Dawn called out to the nightly dressed vampire. She came out of the bushes. "I could have attacked you and then I would have had a massive headache and then your sister would turn me into a big pile of dust. What are you doin' out o' bed at this hour o' the night?" Dawn's smile curved into a sly grin.  
"I snuck out b/c I wanted to give you your Christmas present. Besides it's the holidays, Buffy won't stake you now. She'll wait till after New Year's."  
"Oh thanks." Dawn handed him a small neatly wrapped gift with black ribbons on the top. Spike grabbed it out of her hands and tore it open. It was a packet of blood. Spike smiled and bit into it. The taste was so refreshing and yummy. He looked up at her confused; this didn't taste like pig's blood. He gave a questioning look.  
"I went to a blood drive and stole some blood, please don't be mad. I thought you deserved some real blood for a change."  
"Thanks litt' bit. Hold on a second," he looked at the bag and it said 'Summers, D' "you didn't tell me that it was yours," he shouted at her as he grabbed her arm when she tried to pull away.  
"Spike, it's Christmas. When are you going to get a fresh taste? You haven't gotten that chip out and you barely live on pig's blood. It's a treat so appreciate it," she stated in such a commanding tone that Spike knew not to test the Slayer's kid sister.  
"Tell your sister and I'll deny it," Dawn silently zipped her lips. "She'll probably stake me anyway." Spike made his way to his crypt when he heard a noise. He looked up at the top of the crypt. He saw guy in a red suit.  
"Hey! What do you think you're doin' on top o' my crypt," Spike shouted, but the shouting ended startling the guy as he lost his balance and fell off the crypt and landed right in front of Spike.  
"What did you do that for?" Dawn demanded as she punched Spike lightly in the arm.  
"Oh come on now like I'd hurt this bloke. Who is he anyway? Is he a demon?" Spike asked. The red guy was slowly coming to his senses, but before Dawn could warn Spike not to test 'is he a demon' on him. Spike punched him square in the jaw and knocked out the guy. Spike screamed with pain.  
"I tried to warn you before you hit him that he was coming to and we could have just asked. He looks like Santa Claus."  
"Who?"  
"Santa Claus. You know HO HO HO; he delivers presents to good girls and boys. Spirit of Christmas, the non religious type."  
"Oh, yeah. So this is Saint Nick. What do we do with him now?" Dawn shrugged her shoulders and then an idea hit her. She snapped her fingers with a defiant "Ah ha." Spike looked up at her for an explanation.  
"Since this Santa is unconscious we could deliver the toys and then return the reindeer to the North Pole where Santa lives and then we can come home in time for presents to be opened. It'd be an adventure." Dawn wide-eyed and dreamy.  
"Why should I help this bugger deliver his toys? I'm evil, I don't do goody goody."  
"Well you did knock him unconscious, and I'd make near to impossible for Buffy to stake you. I'd tell her it was all my idea." Spike snorted.  
"You'd tell her and then I'd win a fabulous trip to the dust buster."  
  
"Please." Spike didn't budge and finally Dawn threw up her hands. "Fine you won't help I'll just play Santa Claus by myself and then if I get into trouble you'll have to explain to Buffy how you just let me go off on my own."  
"Fine, I'll come." Dawn smiled at her own craftiness. She had worked it so she didn't have to spend Christmas Eve with Riley and Buffy making goo goo eyes at each other and Spike was her way of getting to spend the entire evening away from home. She didn't really care what Buffy thought. She knew she would be safe and beyond that she didn't even care.  
They picked up Santa and then out of nowhere eight reindeer appeared with a sleigh. They gave each other questioning looks, but shook them off. Stranger things have happened. They loaded Santa into the sleigh and hopped into the front of the sleigh.  
"So do these animals know where they are going?" Spike asked as he grabbed hold of the reins.  
"Well judging that they've been doing this for eons, I think they'd remember the way by now." Spike gave them a 'giddap' and away they went into the starry night. Dawn was right; b/c the reindeer went on like nothing had happened. Spike wondered about this guy. He wondered about who he was and why he had chosen his crypt to fall off of. Dawn may think he's Santa, but Spike didn't believe it. He couldn't. The reindeer flew for about 10 minutes and then they stopped on top of someone's house. Spike slowly halted the reindeer, but they didn't seem to need much help.  
"Ok, Santa man, you get to take the toys down for the nice litt' girls and boys," Spike said as he turned his head to look at the guy, but to his surprise the guy was gone and only his clothes remained. Now Spike was really confused. How did the guy disappear? And where did he disappear? And WHY didn't he have any clothes on?  
"I guess you'll just have to do it." Dawn pipped up. Spike gave her a baffling look.  
"Are you completely daft? I am not sticking one foot into that Santa suit." Dawn began to pout.  
Spike crawled out of the bottom of the chimney in the Santa suit even dressed in the hat. He dragged around the bag of toys for the kids of the household. "I can't believe I let her talk me into this. If word gets out that Spike has turned to mush then I really am doomed." He worked his way grumbling along toward the brightly decorated tree that shone brightly in the living room. He dumped the bag in front of the tree and then headed back to the chimney. The bag lifted up by magic powers and suddenly Spike was back on the roof with Dawn and she had on a huge smile.  
On their way to the next house Spike asked her why she wanted to come out here. She could have just made him take the sleigh and Santa back up to the North Pole by himself, but he felt there was another reason for the nightly getaway. Dawn tried to deny everything, but was completely unsuccessful.  
"Well, I. Ok I wanted to get away from Buffy and Riley b/c they will be making goo goo eyes at each other and it's enough to make me sick." Spike looked pleased. "At least I'm cutting into Captain Cardboard's holiday fun and I never get tired of that." Spike thought to himself.  
"All right litt' bit I'll help continue this adventure, b/c I enjoy spoiling Riley's holiday fun," Dawn smiled and was grateful that Spike didn't like Riley either. 


	4. Stranger things have happend

I saw the Slayer kissing Santa Claus  
  
Disclaimer: I own buffy, it does not own me.you have to wake up now deary; you were having a dream.oh damn.  
  
Please forgive me for the craziness that is this story. I am new at this so please bear that in mind when yell at me throu your computer screens. I have been having up loading difficulties and not having the Internet at your home makes it a tad more difficult to post fan fic.  
  
Onward: Spike is spreading Christmas cheer instead of Chaos, what the hell. Dawn is the trusty sidekick, but is as annoying as ever. Set during S5 definitely an AU.  
  
Thanks to all the peoples who reviewed for me. This is my first fan fic so please don't bash me too much. Sorry I left you where I did last time, but I am still trying to adjust to this stupid uploading monkey.  
  
And now the rest of the story (for all you Paul Harvey fans out there)  
  
Stranger things have happened.  
  
The reindeer pulled along while Spike was still dressed up in the Santa suit. Dawn began to giggle.  
  
"WHAT"  
  
"Nothing. it's just that this is so unlike the big bad. I'm just finding it slightly amusing that's all." Spike got defensive.  
  
"I'm still the big bad, just b/c I'm in a Santa suit doesn't change the bad inside. Remember that luv"  
  
The reindeer finally stopped on top of a house that had no chimney. Spike looked around and motioned for the reindeer to move on. "There's no chimney. What you want me to go in the front door. Not bloody likely, I couldn't even if I wanted to. In case you've forgotten I'm a vampire. No welcome, no enter." The reindeer didn't seem to understand, but then the bag magically picked itself up and nudged Spike. He turned around completely shocked.  
  
"What the bloody. ah forget it. stranger things have happened." He grabbed the bag and it picked him up and squeezed him down an air exhaust. Dawn screamed softly so she didn't wake up the entire household, but her mouth dropped down to the floor of the sleigh.  
  
Spike entered the house and emptied the bag, thrashing around making all sorts of odd little noises.  
  
"Are you really Santa," a small voice spoke up above his thrashing.  
  
"Well, today I am."  
  
"Santa is English? Why don't you have a beard? You're not like the other Santas!"  
  
"Actually I'm a substitute Santa, the real one will be along next year," Why am I being so nice to this stupid kid? "I am a vampire so I can't really have facial hair and I don't change much, so. go to sleep before I suck you dry!" Finally get this kid to shut up and stop asking so many questions. The kid obeyed and went back to sleep. Spike left the cookies and milk sitting on the table untouched. As he left the kid pipped up, "Don't you like cookies and milk?"  
  
"I like blood, warm about 98.6 degrees. I don't fall into the ol' traditions. I'm evil." He went back up to Dawn the same way he came. He silently wondered why he felt good about doing good. It just didn't make sense.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Spike went from house to house when he suddenly realized that he had been entering unwelcomingly into other peoples' houses and couldn't understand why.  
  
"Maybe it's Santa magic! Or it could be the fact that you're dressed in a Santa suit." Spike looked confused. " Maybe the Santa suit gives you immunity or something. We could ask one of the elves at the North Pole."  
  
"Sure." Spike went back to his unexpressed thoughts. That's where all his fantasies of Buffy have been lurking the past few months and now the Santa thing was lurking. 'I hope this ends soon. This is too weird.'  
  
The sky was starting to clear and become brighter as Spike and  
  
Dawn began to worry about Spike burning into a pile of dust. Spike felt the air getting warmer, but the temperature wasn't heating up quite as fast as usual even Dawn noticed this.  
  
"Why isn't it getting brighter faster? Not that I'm complaining or anything!" Spike shot her a dirty look. She could tell Spike was getting nervous that he was going to turn into a big pile of dust and didn't need Dawn making it more nerve racking for him.  
  
"Look bit, I'm just a bit nervous that's all. Now let's get these deer home so we can go back to our normal lives." Dawn nodded her head in agreement.  
  
Spike was about to leave their last city and head back to the North Pole when Dawn nudged him. "What?"  
  
"You're supposed to say the line. 'Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night'"  
  
"Why should I?" but Dawn gives a sad face and Spike sighs, "All right, if it'd'll make you bloody happy. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. There you happy now?"  
  
"Yes, Santa." Dawn winked at Spike. 'Oh no she's not going anywhere with this.'  
  
"You're not about to tell the Slayer or her Scoobies. I'll kill you before you do and that's a promise not a threat." Dawn giggled.  
  
"But you're so cute in your Santa suit." Spike winced and barked at her again with the same message. Dawn plopped down in her seat and pouted. The sun was rising, but before Spike felt extremely uncomfortable clouds rolled in and snow started to fall.  
  
"This is so cool Spike."  
  
"I guess we're getting close to the North Pole."  
  
A couple of hours later:  
  
The reindeer landed at the North Pole. The reindeer ran away and (you all know how the movie goes) an elf brings down the sleigh with Spike and Dawn inside it. While the elves are busy working away.  
  
Spike asks around to see who can get him back to his crypt. No one can seem to answer his questions.  
  
"Hey, you! How do I get home?" the elf would just answer that he didn't know.  
  
"Come on, one of you has to know what the bleedy hell is goin' on."  
  
"I may have the answer you're looking for Santa," spoke an older looking elf with a soft face and dark eyes.  
  
"I hate to burst your bubble kiddie, but I'm not this Santa bloke you want. He disappeared somewhere over Southern California which is not my fault." The elf just nods his head and disappears down a long highly decorated corridor.  
  
"Dawn stay there." Spike runs off pulling off the Santa suit. He can't get his arm out of the coat. "Hey how about a hand mate!" he calls to the older elf.  
  
The elf turns around and helps him get his coat off. "I'm not your mate, I'm your advisor. Elves call me Angel." Spike exasperated.  
  
"That's just great, my advisor has the same name as my sire. This is just bloody brilliant. It's like hell for vampires."  
  
"You look hungry."  
  
"Yeah, how about some blood."  
  
"And some cookies or something not vampire suck your blood like" Dawn spoke up behind them.  
  
"I think we could mange that." The elf led the way to his room.  
  
"Hey, mate, I was wondering something. how do we get back home?"  
  
"You get sent back in the morning, but you're due back here by Thanksgiving."  
  
"why"  
  
"To prepare for the next flight."  
  
"What!! You mean I have to come back here and do this thing again."  
  
"Well yeah. I mean you read the card didn't you?"  
  
"No, what card?"  
  
"Oh dear this is a disaster. How are we going to make through next year," Angel starts pacing the floor. "I'm going to have to look up what we're supposed to do in this situation."  
"And what are we supposed to do?"  
"Faith will take you to your room where you two can get some rest and I'll be there shortly." And away Angel went.  
A little while later a girl with long blond hair and sparkling blue eyes stopped in front of Spike and Dawn. She smiled so sweetly.  
"Santa?"  
"Name's Spike. You must be Faith." The girl nodded. She looked at  
  
Dawn and smiled as she motioned them to follow her.  
They soon reached their room where there were two beds with lots of fluffy pillows.  
"Angel should be with you soon; have a good night." Faith had left them to stare at the room in awe. The room was a crème color with red and green drapes over everything that stands still. The beds were made of polished oak and the bedspreads were red with gold boarders. The carpets were dark forest green with gold boarders and there was a small kitchen to the far left of the room. Dawn had started to stuff her face when Angel came in.  
"Ok, mate so what is the deal?" Angel took deep breaths since he was out of breath.  
"Look since you put the suit on you are required to work one more year till we find a replacement, but after next Christmas you can go back to your normal vampire ways. It's amazing, but you're the first vampire we have ever had."  
"Uh, well that brings me to the question. how can I go into people's houses with out the welcome?"  
"It's b/c the suit has magic that far older than any modern devices and as long as someone who believes in Santa lives in that house, you can enter."  
"All right, that explains it."  
"Well you two get some sleep and I'll ship the list to your house."  
"What list?"  
"The list where you mark if each kid is good or bad. They get a P for present and a C for coal," Dawn said swallowing a cookie down her throat. Angel smiled.  
"Very good."  
"Good night, Angel," Dawn crawled into bed. Spike soon followed and soon they were sound asleep.  
  
More coming soon. Love to all who review. I'll even give you a cookie if you review my work. I want to comment on how working at McDonald's sucks ass monkey. And that having to work at all sucks ass monkey. So cheers to all the unemployed people, even Julia. I also want to comment that living in a small town is like slow torture. Like slow and painful death by spider bites. It's SO BORING. So review and give me something to do. 


	5. The morning after

I saw the Slayer kissing Santa Claus  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Buffy universe belongs to none other than the Easter bunny. No wait that's the colored eggs. Joss, the genius, actually owns Buffy. So don't sue me for anything.  
  
Summary: Now that Spike has become Santa we now have to wonder what happens the next morning and when Buffy walks in. AU set in S5  
  
The Morning After.  
  
Spike woke with a slight headache like he was hung over from a wild night. Well it was a wild night. Spike rubbed his head trying to piece together the night before. Well I was walking home and then Dawn came and gave me blood which was hers and then some guy fell off the top of my crypt and we were flying around and I was dressed in a red suit where Angel. ah hell Angel came and told me I was Santa Claus. And now I'm here in my crypt, but where's Dawn? It could have been a dream.  
  
"Morning Spike." Dawn rubbed her eyes. She took one look at Spike and started to giggle.  
  
"What!" Dawn couldn't stop giggling. Spike looked down at himself since he really couldn't use a mirror and he saw something bright and.  
  
"Spike I need your help; Dawn has." Buffy had just come bursting through the door and stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Dawn standing next to Spike. "been here all night long with Spike here." Buffy cocked her head at Spike looking for an explanation, but when she saw him she stood in absolute silence and then started to giggle just like Dawn did. "Spike what are you wearing?" Spike looked down to see that he was wearing red silky pajamas with a big S on the front of it.  
  
"Oh don't worry Buffy, Faith gave those to him."  
  
"When did Faith give you pajamas? Was it when we switched bodies?" Buffy looked confused. Spike sighed.  
  
"Bloody hell woman let me answer a few before you ask any more," Spike took a deep breath. " I came home to find Dawn here and she gave me a present when a guy fell off of my crypt and he happen to be Santa." Spike stopped, he didn't want Buffy thinking a 120-year-old vampire would still believe in Santa Claus. "She came by we hung out watching the Christmas Story for the full 24 hours. I knew you'd worry so I was just about to send her home."  
  
"Was that what happened?" she asked Dawn. Spike threw her an evil look like 'if you tell I will play with your innards.'  
  
"No. we played poker. Spike taught me how to play poker."  
  
"You taught my sister how to gamble."  
  
"So what? She's a big girl she can handle a litt' card game now and then." Buffy shook her head.  
  
"Dawn, get your coat." And away they went. God does he wish he could attack humans. He would have attacked that Santa bloke and told him to find someone else's afterlife to ruin. He took a mug where he drinks his blood and throws it across the room with such anger and fury.  
  
Spike stood there baffled. With a heavy sigh he went to the frig to grab a packet of blood. He couldn't understand why this was happening to him of all vampires. ``````````````````````````````  
"Dawn, what were you thinking staying with Spike the entire night and Christmas Eve of all nights. We were really worried." Dawn rolled her eyes in that annoying teenage way.  
  
"Oh, I'm sure with Riley here you were so worried." Just then Riley popped his head in the living room where the sisters had been battling it out.  
  
"So you're safe and sound. You had us really worried."  
  
"So worried," Dawn said under her breath. Buffy glared.  
  
"So you just stayed up all night playing poker?" Buffy questioning Dawn.  
  
"Yes. We had a fun time together. I don't understand why you hate Spike so much." Buffy laughed sarcastically.  
  
"You don't get it. How come you don't get it? He's a dead soulless thing. Nothing there, but evil and sarcasm. He's more pathetic than a regular vampire, b/c he can't bite anyone." (is anyone as tired as I am of this lame excuse.)  
  
"I mean Dawn don't you understand that nothing good comes from a soulless, heartless vampire," Riley steps in siding with the stuck-up sister. (only b/c he gets some from her)  
  
I don't know whom I hate more. Riley or Dawn. Give me your opinion. More to come in the next exciting chapter of 'I Saw the Slayer Kissing Santa Claus'  
  
Now that we have a bit of the story understood we can talk to some of the cast members and ask them what they think of the movie and it's progress.  
  
We'll start with everybody's favorite, Spike. He's also known as William the Bloody and Spikey. He is a bit old for me, but I do like older guys. He claims to love Buffy, but I know that he would have passionate feelings for me if Buffy weren't in the picture. I will try to hide my resentment when I interview her, but let's start with Spike.  
  
Me: So what was your reaction to having to play Santa Claus?  
  
S: It was weird you know, b/c when I was a kiddie I used to stay up all night and wait for Saint Nick to arrive, but I'd just end up sleeping next to the fire. (He replies dreamily)  
  
Me: Awwh, how sweet! So what is your favorite scene so far?  
  
S: The scene where Buffy comes into my crypt lookin' for her sister, Dawn, and finds me in silk red pajamas. It shows her that I'm a sensitive man undernea' all this manly leather. (He pats his leather duster)  
  
Me: (Sexy man, oh baby. I'm drooling) Hope to talk to you again. Thank you very much and here's my number. Give me a call sometime.  
  
S: Of course Amanda. How about dinner next Tuesday? Oh damn I have a photo shoot on Tuesday, but I will call you. (He waves good-bye)  
  
Next up is Buffy. Growl, scowl, burning hatred, scorching jealousy.  
  
Me: Why don't you like it when Spike patrols? (Buffy squirms in her chair)  
  
B: I don't care if he patrols, but he always seems to run into me (she whines)  
  
Me: Why is that a bad thing?  
  
B: B /c Spike is evil.  
  
Me: Oh and Angel was just a mere innocent.  
  
B: Spike tried to kill me countless times and then tried to kill the one I love.  
  
Me: The key word in that sentence is that he "tried". Angel killed Jenny Calendar and tortured Giles.  
  
B: I don't see the point in this (she just doesn't have anything to say back). Do you have any questions about the movie itself?  
  
Me: How do you feel working on this movie with Spike?  
  
B: It is awkward at times, when I feel his eyes rolling over me, but most of time we just don't talk a lot.  
  
Me: Thank you for your time (I say stiffly)  
  
TTFN  
  
Please review. I would really appreciate it. Next time I will interview Captain Cardboard and the little bitch. Sorry you may want to miss that one. 


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